


The Perils of Unrequited Feelings

by Queen of the Castle (queen_of_the_castle_77)



Series: Three Companions Who Stopped the Doctor From Turning Himself Human (and One Who Didn't) [4]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-20
Updated: 2011-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_of_the_castle_77/pseuds/Queen%20of%20the%20Castle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor realises that in stringing Martha along, he might have lost the one thing Donna pointed out that he needed – someone to stop him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perils of Unrequited Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Post-Human Nature/Family of Blood the way it actually went down.

The Doctor is not a stupid man. Far from it. He has such a complex mind and such extensive knowledge of the universe (all that is, was, or ever could be) that he fancies that he might be the most intelligent being in all of time and space, now that the rest of the Time Lords are gone. On his lower days he’ll admit that that’s probably a slight overstatement, but nonetheless, he’s brilliant and he knows it.

So being intelligent, he doesn’t miss much. He certainly doesn’t miss something as obvious as the way Martha Jones looks at him like she wishes he’d stop seeing through her.

He told her when he met her that it wasn’t going to be like _that_ between them. She’d in turn been very quick at the time to assure him that she wouldn’t even consider him that way. But she’d already had the beginnings of that look in her eye, and he’d known, even then, that it was a lie.

He was extremely familiar with lies, after all. He told them to himself all the time.

He could have been more upfront with her about it, after that first comment. If he’d pushed the issue, surely she wouldn’t have had room for hope. If he’d just confronted her properly after they’d been together a while – set her straight – maybe they could have settled into a more comfortable friendship instead of this constant tension that’s between them. But he’s never been good at talking about feelings. Or having feelings, for that matter. And though the tension is hardly ideal, it’s better than nothing. The Doctor doesn’t want to risk pushing Martha too far away, as he did with Donna. The memory of just how completely alone he was after Rose is still too fresh in his mind. He doesn’t want that. He can’t handle that. Not just now.

Still, his inability to be honest with Martha means they’re stuck in this in-between place. And he’s already starting to see that that has consequences.

He never allows himself to think about what might have happened if Rose was still with him, because the pain of thinking about her is overwhelming. Sometimes, though, he thinks about Donna Noble. It’s not that he doesn’t want Martha with him. But having Donna in the TARDIS along with the two of them would have solved a lot of problems, he’s sure.

Donna told him he needed someone, and he certainly has someone. Martha is intelligent and capable and really quite a lot of fun most of the time. But Donna meant he needed someone to step in when he goes too far. Martha might have become that person, if he’d done things differently. He knows that she’s logical enough for it. But by allowing them to stay on uneven footing, he thinks he might have lost the thing that he can finally admit he needs most of all - someone to stop him.

He doesn’t blame Martha, of course. It’s his fault that things are the way they are between the two of them. He knows that, and he accepts the responsibility. Just as he accepts responsibility for the deaths in Farringham in 1913 that his madcap idea of turning human has just caused. It’s not Martha’s fault he didn’t have time to think things through. He tries to express that much to her when he thanks her for looking after him and hugs her. But still, deep down, he wishes she’d questioned him. He thinks that his idea was so spur-of-the-moment that any proper hesitation on her part might have made him pause and see the holes of logic in the plan. If he’d just had time to think ...

He thinks of Donna, who might’ve slapped him upside the head and told him what an idiot he was for thinking for just one moment that it was a good idea to make himself human and hide away.

He likes things well enough the way they are, and he’ll never regret asking Martha Jones to come along with him, but it doesn’t stop him from wishing things had been different.

~FIN~


End file.
